WISH I COULD SLOW DOWN TIME...

Motherhood doesn't look anything like what I had imagined when I was young - sweet birthday parties with pretty fondant cakes, beautiful...

Motherhood doesn't look anything like what I had imagined when I was young - sweet birthday parties with pretty fondant cakes, beautiful princess dresses or pink tutus etc. Well, those moments are there, but while they are beautiful, they don't really matter in the life journey. There are days, weeks and months that are hard. There are many moments when I have no idea how I’m going to make it til bedtime. There are times I've messed up. There are times where I've done well, and times when I've been there - wiping faces, rocking and comforting a toddler after a nightmare, making meals out of (almost) nothing, washing and folding those tiny clothes, giving up on something I need so that my child can get what she needs, watching her sleep, listening to her baby talk and laugh. These are the moments in life that I am blessed to live. 

I may not be a great mom, but am definitely not a terrible mom. For some people out there:

No, I'm not a terrible mom just because I yell at my LO sometimes.

No, I'm not a terrible mom just because I feel like hiding in the closet and pretend I'm not there sometimes.

No, I'm not a terrible mom just because I can't wait for her to go to bed sometimes.

No, I'm not a terrible mom just because I made some grape juice or added some sugar in her food (Yes, I've had someone telling me that grapes are full of sugar and that I shouldn't 'make' my LO eat them).

I am just an actual human with limits. If a mom tells me that she can calmly give her kids appropriate consequences and reasonings ALL THE TIME for every single act of terrorism that they do creatively devise, I would probably think she's using some sort of hypnotism.

Do you realize what amazing impact you are leaving?
2 nights ago, my LO started vomiting after we came back from dinner. But because it was the weekend and her paed wasn't around, we monitored her condition and made sure she stayed hydrated. She couldn't really sleep well that night. The vomiting continued til the next day. It was heart-wrenching. I could see she was hungry, but she couldn't really eat much coz she would puke shortly after, though not as much as the night before. The good thing was, she was alert and there was no sign of dehydration. In the end, we decided to bring her to the hospital emergency department (No clinics on Sundays) and she was given a jab + Novomin syrup to stop the vomiting. 

Yet, with all the vomiting, disrupted sleeps, lack of appetite and energy, I would say she remained a good and strong girl. She didn't whine/throw tantrum/cry much. She just sort of complained, out of frustration, asking why she's vomiting, why can't she eat and why she couldn't sleep (Couldn't really figure out what exactly was she saying but it's something along those lines :P). Perhaps she was just too tired, or perhaps she knew Daddy and Mommy were up the whole time taking care of her, so we were exhausted. Had to monitor her temperature (Her body was slightly warm after the jab, so had to make sure she wasn't having fever), cook mushy bland porridge/plain soups and feeding her little by little so it's easier on her stomach. There were loads of soiled clothes, bed sheets, pillows and towels to wash too. Luckily the weather was good these 2 days, so everything dried up pretty fast. 

Despite not having much energy, she still tried to help me by passing the washed clothes for me to hang. I told her I could do it myself but she said, "Help help mommy". When she got tired, she lied down on the sofa/beanbag or bed by herself. Once a while, she would come hug and 'sayang' me. When I fed her porridge (just plain porridge with some carrot, broccoli and meat), plus some apple slices to help with the diarrhea (she had mild diarrhea in the morning) for lunch today, she said, "Mmm... yummy. Thank you mommy." At that moment, I felt my baby girl has grown up so much all of a sudden. There was an increase of sensation in my chest and a mixture of thoughts rushed through my head all at once. Picturing her when she was first born, when she was a month old, when she turned one... All those seems like yesterday. 

She is now a 27-month old that I love so dearly. Sometimes when I'm not feeling well and I tell her, "Mommy isn't feeling too good or mommy is tired, so I need to lie down for a while, OK?", she would lie down beside me, give a me a hug, touch my face and say, "Mommy not well, love love mommy. Darling BB take care mommy." Honestly, I do not know how will she be in the future, only God knows that, but the words and actions from her tiny body now are more than enough to make all those tears, sweat, fatigue and sleepless nights worthwhile. They will be etched on my memory forever. So yes, I do wish I could slow down time so she won't grow up so fast, just so I could enjoy these special little moments with her longer... 
Hold on to the tiny moments and cherish the little snuggles...
P.S: Of course, I wouldn't deny there are times I also secretly wish she would grow up faster and leave the house when she's really naughty. Haha :P

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