MOM CONFESSIONS: THE STRUGGLES WITH MOM BULLIES

Definition of mom: One person who does the work of twenty. For free. Agree? ^^ Have you ever thought of, or secretly wished that...


Definition of mom: One person who does the work of twenty. For free. Agree? ^^

Have you ever thought of, or secretly wished that there is a 'Do-Over' Button - just press it, you'll be able to redo anything, at any time and maybe have kids later in life, or tempted to feed your child a little alcohol or drowsiness inducing drug, just to get some peace? Well, just so you know, you are not alone! Every mom loves her children very much and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Still, nothing being a mom is easy. It's enjoyable, but definitely not easy. And to make things worse, people around you try to step in, put their two cents worth in and pinpoint your mistakes. Hey, mothers are humans too and nobody's perfect, remember?? Mom bullies are the worst! Here are some honest confessions by moms around me, including myself:


When you are trying to embark on your breastfeeding journey, the milk hasn't kicked in yet and your baby is crying.

Mom bullies:

"How come there's no milk? Once given birth should have milk." 
"The baby is so pitiful because her mum got no milk for her." 
"Why not just feed formula milk so that you won't starve the baby." 
"So troublesome need to direct latch/bring her baby along wherever she goes and other people can't help/make things difficult for people who help her babysit." 
"Flaunting her breasts when her kid is so big already, that's so shameful."

Truth:

To begin with, breastfeeding is a tough journey. Ask any moms and they'll tell you the same thing. It usually involves lots of tears, blood and sweat, as well as battle with depressions. Learn the facts before criticizing: For the first few days after birth, the body will produce colostrum. After about 3 to 4 days of producing colostrum, the breasts will start to feel firmer. This is a sign that the milk supply is increasing and changing from colostrum to breast milk.

When you feed formula milk.

Mom bullies:

"Doesn't she know breastmilk is the best for babies?" 
"Formula milk powder is processed, therefore it's 'poison'." 
"She must be a lazy mum that's why. Too lazy to pump or latch her baby." 

Truth:

Everyone's body is different. There are some moms who have tried everything but still couldn't produce enough milk for their babies, so there's no choice but to give formula milk. Don't judge, jump to conclusions, label her as 'lazy', and say that formula is 'poison'. You are not her, you won't know what she had been through. 

When you feed your kid natural healthy food, without additional sugar, salt or flavoring. 

Mom bullies:

"No sugar or salt? The food must be tasteless." 
"Poor kid, cannot taste good flavorful food." 
"No junk food? You must let your kid try everything so he/she will have no problem eating them in future."
"Her kid is so skinny, must be the mum didn't feed him meat."

When you close an eye and let others feed your kid junk food.

Mom bullies: 

"Did you see that? She let her kids eat all those rubbish."
"When her kid becomes an obese, then she'll know."
"What kind of mom is that? No wonder her kid is always sick."

Truth:

What's wrong with feeding our kids healthy food? Show us a study to prove that food with high content of sugar, salt and artificial coloring are good for kids. And if we defend our kids from old folks who try to stuff them with junk food, we'll be labeled as a 'snob' with no respect for the elderly.

When you are staying with old folks (especially in-laws).

Mom bullies:

"How can you let your baby/kid cry? They will get tummy ache or wind in stomach (in Chinese)."
"Do you even know how to feed? Can't you see that he/she is gagging? Are you trying to choke your own kid?"
"Feed him/her pearl powder, Bo Ying Compound or some so-called Chinese herbal supplements."
"My son is very tired because he has to work so hard to pay for you and the kid, you know?" (If you a SAHM and most of the time, you have no say coz you don't bring in any money.)
"Such an irresponsible mom. Just leave her kid with us/her parents to take care." (If you go back to work.)
Your baby starts crying and your mum/mum-in-law storms in almost immediately. Enough said.

Truth:

If the baby/kid isn't hungry, sick or in need of a diaper change, perhaps he/she just feel like crying. This is normal, and doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong. Sometimes it's just their way of letting it out. 

We all have a gag reflex - it's an automatic response that helps prevent choking. Gagging on or pushing out those first spoonfuls of cereal isn't uncommon. They are just trying to figure out this new way of eating, they will get the hang of it soon.

Feeding supplements to a baby? Do you even know exactly what's in it and what are the side effects after taking them?? It's probably as good as feeding sleeping pills to him/her. >.<

If you know a job that can pay good money and at the same time, allowing us to spend plenty of time caring and taking care of our kids, please kindly share with us.

Hello, could you respect my privacy, please? 

When you are chatting about your kids or parenting styles with other moms.

Mom bullies:

"Why isn't your kid walking yet? Look at mine, he/she can almost run already."
"Why is your kid under or over weight? He/she has eating issues, right?"
"My gosh, your kid cries non stop. He/she is being such a brat."
"You shouldn't set restrictions for your kids. You have to let them explore EVERYTHING."
"Your kid can't call 'Daddy' or 'Mummy' yet? Isn't he/she... ermm.. kinda slow? Maybe you should bring him/her to a speech therapist."

Truth:

Ever felt like you are being judged when chatting with other moms? You are most likely right and weren't just imagining it. Every kid's progress is different. If your way works on yours, that doesn't mean it's gonna work on mine. My kid isn't a photocopy/clone of your kid. Each mom has their own way of raising their kids.


Conclusion:

Mom-ing is darn hard!

When breastfeeding in public is considered offensive but formula feeding is frowned upon,

When co-sleeping is dangerous, but rocking your baby to sleep is wrong,

When sleep training means you are a mean mum, but not having your baby on a schedule means you have no control of your kid,

When putting your child in a walker is harmful to their developing bones but holding them too much is spoiling them,

When being a SAHM means you've given up on your career or dreams but putting them in childcare and returning to the workforce means you're gonna miss out on most of the important milestones,

When you're trying to be confident in motherhood but everyone wants to interfere and tell you that you're doing wrong.



Moral of the story: 
You cannot please everybody. Whatever you do, there will be people who will criticize you. Just do what you think is right and don't be distracted by criticism. Mom bullies are absolutely the worst!

Damn right!
So, to all moms out there, Stay Strong!!

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